Whiteout Review
Hey everybody - hope everyone had a great weekend, mine was less than stellar, but what can you do? But I did manage to see Whiteout over the weekend, and it's been a while since I did a review, so it was time to do it again.
First, to fill you in on the basic plot (since the trailers were woefully underinformative) - the always beautiful Kate Beckinsale plays U.S. Marshall Carrie Stetko, a fairly average American girl-Marshall stationed in the wild, untamed ice of Antarctica. There in a facility that does scientific research on ice samples and global warming, she keeps the place safe from... well, she doesn't say. (Do real Antarctic facilities need U.S. Marshalls? Really? Does anyone know? Aren't they supposed to take in fugitives? A fugitive would have to be pretty ballsy to go out this far.) In this facility with her are a bunch of scientists that act more like frat boys than scientists throughout the film - but in all fairness this is probably because most of them are either about to ship out or dig in for the six month winter whiteout. Still, I've seen scientists and most scientists don't drink this much or act this ridiculous. She also has her old friend, Tom Skerritt, playing the Doctor on the base, talking about wanting to leave this place after three years of long winters.
As the movie goes on, there's been - insert preprecorded gasp here - a murder on the ice! The murder appears to have been dropped from a plane onto the ice - and note, this is obvious to everyone watching the film - but intrepid, tough, yet not-too-bright Carrie doesn't figure that out until near the end of the film. As soon as the murder happens, the rest of the movie is her slow, plodding effort to figure out who did it and why.
Without spoiling things, I will state this - for once, a mystery surprised me twice, but it was twice in such a way that made my first guess right, so I'm not sure how to take that. Also, the level of realism this movie attained seemed very rare for Hollywood. Mind you, I don't know enough about weather to know if you can die inside of five minutes in Antarctica, but I do know it's lethal after a certain exposure time. There's also a mildly gruesome scene I shan't spoil where the ice damages someone badly.
However, nothing else about this movie is surprising. It was very methodical, very slow, by the numbers, and I nearly fell asleep twice during the first hour. The set-up was interminably long and droll, and brought across no suspense whatsoever. There's a killer on the loose in a harsh, hostile environment, that should be SCARY! Instead, everyone except Kate felt like they were asleep. Even Gabriel Macht, who I loved in The Spirit, really didn't seem to care too much that someone was out to kill them.
I wanted to add more, but that's all I can really say about this movie - "meh." Which seems to match most other reviewers' takes on the film - there simply wasn't enough tension in this movie to be a suspenseful mystery. I'm glad I saw it, just to see it, but this is definitely a "See this if You're Bored" scenario, and that's a shame, because I think a lot more could have been done with it.
--Chris B.
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Yes, I’m pretty sure you can die from exposure in under five in those conditions. Don’t ask me to cite sources, but come on… it’s the coldest place on the planet.
Also, afterellen.com mentioned immediately that it was based on the comic with the same name, though I couldn’t find it… hrm, for cheap, on the internet. So no read.
However! In the comic things may be more suspenseful and/or more interesting. Also, the protagonist in that was totally gay. As in yes.
Of course, the source material outweighs the movie. When has that ever not happened?
I still plan to see this film for one reason only - Kate Beckinsale. I’ve heard, not only from Chris, but so many other reviews that this movie is indeed very boring - that seems to be the concensus.
There is, however, only one thing that I want to see from Whiteout - The Kate Beckinsale shower scene. Chris, please, do tell - is it worth it or is it completely un-sexy and unsatisfying?
Hehe - the shower scene was actually prefaced by her slowly removing all her clothes except for her undies, there’s a really nice shot of her abs as she walks towards the camera.
There is an up-close rear shot of her wearing tight panties, but the film jerks a just little before she turns and faces the camera, so I feel like they got a body double for the rear shot just like Access Hollywood said they did.
I wouldn’t pay theatre prices for her body shot in that one man.
@Genida - I wasn’t able to see the comic either, though I like Greg’s work usually, suspense is *completely* different in comics than it is in movies. The Director did the best he could probably with a very slow script.
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