G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra review
Beware of spoilers.
I can't tell you how long I've been considering going to see GI Joe even though I predicted much of the time that this movie would be horrible. It wasn't until the last minute I figured what the hell, I've seen so many bad movies in my life what's one more. I know a lot of people like to talk trash about Michael Bay and his Transformers movies and I know a lot of people say that they don't watch those movies for the story, only the action and I'm one of those people. Yes, Michael Bay isn't a man who can tell a story, however, he is the man to blow shit up. The point I'm making is that people have been saying the same thing about GI Joe and that they weren't going to see the movie for the story, only the action and the characters they saw from the 80s cartoon and whatever else. I wasn't fooled - I knew from the beginning that the story and action would be crap and for those of us who follow industry stuff, it was all right there with Stephan Sommers directing, Channing Tatum as Duke, and Marlon Waynes... WTF. Sommers isn't a terrible director - in fact, I like a couple of his movies including The Mummy and Van Helsing but before you jump all over me, I know they're not great movies but I was able to have a little fun with them. Actually, the Van Helsing thing is all about Kate Beckinsale for me. Even still, he's not the director I had in mind for a bad-ass GI Joe movie. Tatum as Duke I never bought and Marlon Waynes... well, that's a given why I never bought that. He's not a good actor and he's only there for comedy relief.
I'll cut to the chase with GI Joe - My verdict; I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would. From the moment up till seeing the film, I was convinced this movie was going to be the worst movie of the year and although it's boarder line, I found myself mildly entertained for only a couple of reason which I'll get to below. The best comparison I can make or rather to give you a level on where this film falls, mind you this is for those that follow my reviews and will understand my context, GI Joe is better than Terminator Salvation and I'd rather watch GI Joe again than ever hear the name McG again. At least with GI Joe, I expected a lot of cheese ball stuff and that's what we got.
"Director Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Helsing) adapts the beloved Hasbro G.I. Joe toy line with this Paramount Pictures production that pits the Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity against the evil forces of the organization known as Cobra. Dennis Quaid and Channing Tatum star as General Hawk and Duke Hauser, respectively, with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Marlon Wayans leading the rest of the cast, including Sienna Miller, Ray Park, Rachel Nichols, Christopher Eccleston, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Saïd Taghmaoui, and Asian film star Lee Byung-hun." [Fandango]
My likes and dislikes for this film are very simple, which also means this will be a short review. The biggest problem I have with this film, besides acting, action, and everything else, is that Cobra's rise and reasoning into becoming a huge villain is totally lame and stupid. I don't want to go into details because it would give away some big plot points (aww) and some people may still want to see this movie. What I will say is that we see the origin of Cobra Commander in this film and the reason why he become evil makes absolutely no sense and is completely unbelievable. People complain that Nero from Star Trek had a poor reason for being evil but they haven't seen this yet. At least Nero can say "my planet was destroyed, now I'm pissed". Cobra Command would say, "I'm a good guy at first but I saw something interesting that made me think evil time. Yayaya!" It's awful.
Continuing; everything else I dislike about this film is most of the casting sucked liked the before mentioned Channing Tatum as Duke who is un-believable as a military leader, Marlon Waynes as Ripcord who was only there to make jokes, Christopher Eccelston who doesn't fit with his character Destro, and several others. The overall plot and motivation for this film is weak and uninspiring. It seems very formulaic to me - Bad guys on the move, good guys get recruited, good guys go after bad guys, bad things happen to good guys, good guys come back in third act to defeat the enemy. It's all the same shit. Sometimes it works in movies but GI Joe needed to do things that other films haven't and all we got was the same formula with very weak action. Yes, I agree, people only go to see this for the action. I can tell you, it's not worth the time, at least in theaters, and as I just mentioned it was the same as all other action films with nothing new to offer.
Surprisingly, I saw a couple of things that I found interesting enough for me not to hate this film. The best part of the film and ironically the worst thought out part is Joseph Gordon-Levitt who plays The Doctor. He has the best performance and I'm not even exaggerating. Levitt is great in this movie and he was the only character that I enjoyed watching. I also thought a lot of the little easter eggs, for example; "Go Joe!", "Real American Hero" and quotes like that were worked into the film nicely. When I heard those quotes, I chuckled. Finally, Snake Eyes = awesome, but everyone knew that was going to be the case with the character. Snake Eyes is great and I enjoyed a lot of his story which mingled with Storm Shadow who also is a cool character.
I think my views on this film are clear enough. GI Joe: Rise of Cobra is not a good movie but some of you may find it passable enough to find some fun with it. For the most part, I did not and I can't recommend it to you. Your much better off saving your money for District 9 which comes out this week. I hear amazing things about it. Although I don't recommend GI Joe for you in the theaters, I'd still say check it out on DVD. This movie had no effect on me and I could care less if a sequel gets made or not. Paramount kinda flubbed on this one but they're a smart studio, they'll recover. GI Joe: Rise of Cobra only scores a 4.5 out of 10. I should have seen 500 Days of Summer instead, which ironically stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt as well - I hear it's an amazing film.
Just to mention - Sienna Miller and Rachel Nichols looked awesome in their tight leather. I always fall for tight leather.
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When Duke said the line, “I already called in the air strike.” And then bother-in-law went in the building. I actually lifted up my arms and said what the fuck. The movie as a story fell apart for me there. The action scenes were cool. I want the Baroness’s gun.
I still have to decide if I go to the movies on friday. We wanted to watch GIJoe, but now I’m not so sure.
So it’s a very stupid movie with a lot of action, yes? But it’s the action that worries me most. Is it in any way as fast cut like in the last Bond flick or Crank? I hate that below-one-second-cuts so much, it would destroy the movie for me.
I can give away my brain at the box office but it doesn’ make sense to do that with my eyeballs also
I was enjoying this flick right up to the point of the story of the Baroness and Duke and the Dr. Was coming into focus. That was absolutely horrible. I also come from the old school Scarlet luvs Snake Eyes and the whole deal with ripcord sucked. I did enjoy some character introduction and Brandon Frasier moonlighting as Flint was pretty cool. My biggest issue was the lack of american influence. Where was Lady Jaye? Roadblock and Shipwreck They had the Apaches where was WILD BILL!! So many characters and possible story lines how could this end up this bad. Ive got to start writing movies instead of childrens books.
The trailer looks cheesy,
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