This article is written by Mr. Wall.  The article is that of his commentary and opinion alone.  Please respect that.

This should be an easy enough editorial… 

They’re a waste of 2 hours, the price of admission and a perfectly good theater that could be used for a better movie.

Done!

Wait, now that I think about it I really did like John Carpenters remake of The Thing and the 1978 version of Invasion of The Body Snatchers, heck, I even liked that remake of Little Shop of Horrors, the one starring Rick Moranis… oh crap, then there’s that version of Dawn of The Dead by that one guy who also did that ambiguously gay Spartan movie!

Crap, now things have just gotten complicated.

Ok, maybe there should be some rules for a remake?

- 30-year pause between the original and the remake, enough time for the story & f/x to be dated!
- They’ve gotta be crappy movies, why remake a good movie? What’s there to add or improve? This would include anything with a cult following; basically, they need to be nearly obscure/forgotten movies.

Dammit that would mean every single one of the remakes I think are brilliant wouldn’t be able to have been made with my sensible policies!

Here’s the deal; it doesn’t take much to realize that 99.998% of all remakes blow but occasionally there’s that gem that pops up and surprises everyone.

There’s also no arguing that more and more remakes are being churned out by the studios every year but we sort of have to take step back and realize that these are the modern day “safe bets” for studios. These are the flicks that’ll pad the account for other better projects. Sure it might not look like it when you see something like The Fog which was made for $18million only squeak by with $29.5 in domestic box office but then add on it’s global box office and it’s bumped to $46.2 million. Not huge dollars but simple math points out that it more than doubled its money. Make a few more crappy remakes aimed towards teens and the casual movie goer who hasn’t realized that the Oscars isn’t much more than a popularity contest and you’ve got the foundation to bank roll a Spielberg flick starring Tom Cruise with v/fx by ILM.

Sure we could go back in time, prior to the flood of remakes and start just churning out bad movies but it’s sort of like deciding if you want to get punched in the stones or the nose. We could either have flicks like Blood Surf or The Amityville Horror remake; either way I’m not wasting the money to see it in the theater but I am hopeful that the profits generated by the masses will be enough to back the next Will Smith blockbuster.

It’s obvious most remakes are crap and for now it looks like they’re here to stay, especially since the general public keep wasting money on them but at least we get to reap the rewards of having flicks like LoTR made thanks, in-part, to someone else’s Friday night movie mistake.

Just be afraid when “Best Remake” becomes an award category.

-Mr. Wall