This article is written by Mr. Wall.  The article is that of his commentary and opinion alone.  Please respect that.

It never fails. My wife and I show up at least an hour early at the theater and pay $21.00 for 2 full price movie tickets. Once we can get into the theater we pick out our favorite spot, watch the annoying slide show that repeats about every 7 minutes usually including a request to silence cell phones. Meanwhile people trickle into the theater each pretty much doing the same thing we’re doing. Watching the slide show, stepping out for snacks and the preventive bathroom break all the while a reminder pops up about every 7 minutes on the screen to silence phones once the movie starts

At about the listed time the movie supposed to start the theater semi-dims and an ad starts, or at least what looks like an ad. It’s another reminder, done in a comical way, to remind the audience that phones should be silenced during the movie. This is followed by commercials, we’re now watching a coke commercial, followed by an HP commercial, and then there’s something about some new TV show followed by 3 more commercials which at this point I’ve pretty much just started blanking out. After about 15 minutes of this the theater fully dims and the trailers start. 10 minutes of trailer and another ad comes on reminding us to silence our phones.

Finally the movie starts and like clockwork someone gets a call, they answer it, they tell whoever that they’re at the theater watching the movie, the conversation goes on for another minute or so, by now about 6 people, including myself, have told the person to get off their phone but the incident repeats across the theater like a virus and by the time the movies over at least 4 other people who have also answered at least one incoming call.

All of them did exactly what the ad asked them to do, they all silenced their phones. Not once during entire viewing of the movie did I hear a person’s phone ring, that ads say nothing about not answering their phones, it only asks that they silence them. Yes, people are either that stupid or simply wanting to go through life doing no more than what is requested of them. The idea of not answering the phone or stepping out of the theater seems to elude them.

Now, there are all sorts of options that run through my head during these times. I like to call them “Ralphie Vision” and ode to “A Christmas Story” and Ralphie’s vision of getting an A++++++ from his teacher. Most of them consist of mugging the guy for the price of admission, chucking my gallon of root beer at him, smashing his phone or simply socking him in the back of the head. All fun ideas in my head but the simple reality is I don’t want to deal with the assault charges and even worse, the additional disruption of watching the movie.

As for finding some employee to handle it… why bother? We’re talking about getting a guy who has to work more hours than the length of the movie just to be able to afford the price of admission. I’ve seen ushers in the past try to handle these situations; it would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic and annoying.

So what can we do? Lately my wife and I are seriously contemplating going for the splurge and spending $200 or so on a cell phone jammer. Sure their against FCC regulations but I’m tired of pissing away the money I spent on a movie because the idiots around me think that their $10.50 gives them the privilege to do what they want in a theater while disregarding common courtesy. No, I wouldn’t have the jammer on the whole time but the moment I see a phone light up in a theater I’m reaching into my pocket and flippin that switch until I see that person give up. I figure if that person really needs that call then they’ll get off their butt and leave the theater, either way I want to watch my movie with minimal interruption, just like I did back when I first saw Highlander in theaters.

As for the legality, well, that’s only an issue if a person gets caught and that would require the authorities to be spending their days in theaters trying to triangulate on people… yup, I’m not picturing that happening.

I can see the popularity of these devices becoming popular in the US over the next 5 years as people who still practice common courtesy become tired of those that have traded in good social ethics for technology.

-Mr. Wall